The other afternoon I ran into a co-worker taking a break in our employee cafeteria. He was reading a book and said it was so interesting he didn’t want to stop to go back to work. I suggested he should call out “engrossed” the next day so he could finish it.

That got me thinking about some excuses we could start beta testing since “I’m sick” has been done to death (no pun intended). Let me know if any of the suggestions below work for you:

  • “My cat is pregnant and I’m her doula.”
  • “I’m binge-watching The Sopranos and will be in as soon as I see who walks into the diner.”
  • “I’m in the hospital. Well, I’m in the hospital gift shop.”
  • “I finished all my work yesterday. What — there’s more?”
  • “I’m waiting to get my mojo back.”
  • “I’ve got ‘Do You Believe’ by Cher stuck in my head and really shouldn’t come in until it works its way back out.”
  • “I’m on a medication that advises against operating heavy machinery, and I really don’t know how much my computer weighs.”
  • “I got my mojo back but it turned out to be somebody else’s… Still waiting for mine.”
  • “I ran out of pre-tax transportation credits and have to wait for the next pay period before I can reload my transit pass.”
  • “Our CEO told me over drinks last night I could take the rest of the week off.”
  • “My car died and I’m in mourning.”
  • “When I left yesterday I said, ‘See you tomorrow’ and you said ‘Not if I see you first’, so I thought we were playing ‘Hide-and-Seek’ today.”
  • “I’ve lost interest in what we do. But please call me if anything new comes up.”
  • “I had such a productive day yesterday that any effort I might make today would only pale by comparison.”
  • “My work-life balance is out of whack and I’ll be away from the office until equilibrium is restored.”
  • “Instead of coming in and waiting to get paid, I’d prefer to get paid first and then I’ll think about coming in.”
  • “I see nothing to be gained by returning to that hellhole. I think the real question is why you still work there.”