I asked my wife if she’d like to try a new position. She readily agreed, and now no longer endorses a carbon tax as the most economically efficient means to convey crucial price signals that spur emissions-reducing investments.
Instead of parallel parking, I tried perpendicular parking. On the plus side, it was much easier to pull into the space. On the negative side, I had a bitch of a time getting my purchases in the trunk without getting ass-swiped by passing traffic.
Using a trampoline while cleaning the gutters isn’t as much fun as you might imagine.
In the face of adversity, I adopted a different approach to my nemesis and tried killing him with kindness. It didn’t change the district attorney’s sentencing recommendation.
I tried putting the cart before the horse. Now I’m out one cart and one horse.
Trying to manage my time more effectively, I spent the first half-hour of my day reviewing my schedule. I was then fired for being 30 minutes late for work.
A turntable may work in a microwave, but not a VCR.
Believing laughter is the best medicine, I stopped taking my Lipitor. Want to see the scar from my bypass?
Embracing the belief that honesty is the best policy, the last time my wife asked, “Do these pants make me look fat?” I replied, “They sure do.” In all honesty, I wish I hadn’t said that.
Just because you sign up for direct deposit with your bank doesn’t mean they’ll let you walk into their vault unimpeded.
Have you ever wondered if you could save money by changing the oil in your car yourself? Well, not if you use Wesson.
Despite its name, never dance while using a jig saw.
You’d think people trying to diet would appreciate having the refrigerator duct-taped closed. You’d think wrong.