Horses are pessimists. I guess they can’t help it since they’re all born neigh-sayers.

I asked for a pony for Christmas and found a 7-ounce bottle of beer under the tree. It took the edge off my disappointment.

It’s inadvisable to saddle a horse with your problems. Makes for a rough ride.

Likewise, you should avoid trying to stirrup trouble, unless “Trouble” is your horse’s name.

Someone asked me if I was interested in horse racing. I said of course not; certainly the horse was going to beat me every time.

A horse’s teeth take up a larger amount of space in their head than their brain. Same with Donald Trump.

As many times as I’ve heard someone use the phrase, “She was rode hard and put away wet” — it was never in reference to a horse.

Did you know horses love to sing? That’s why you find them in a chorale.

A Jewish horse who loves to sing is called a “canter”.

Horses don’t believe in the institution of marriage. That’s why you never see them included in a bridle party.

Every time I ask to borrow $10 from a younger horse, he says he has nothing to lend. I suppose that’s because a foal and his money are soon parted.

Someone who shoes horses is called a farrier. If he overcharges for the service, he’s called an unfarrier.

I’ve got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle. For that I was referred to an orthopedist.

I went to see a horseplay once. It was Othello, with the lead role played by a dark horse.

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away. But my wife’s hairdryer trips the bathroom circuit and suddenly I’m expected to jump up from the couch.