I heated up some alphabet soup for lunch today but quickly lost my appetite — it had a vowel smell.
Did you know there’s a medical term for someone who calls in sick to work and instead goes shopping? It’s called mall-lingering.
I told my wife I was polyamorous, and she said fine — Polly could have me.
Yesterday, upon the stair / I met a man who wasn’t there / He wasn’t there again today / I wish, I wish my building had an elevator.
A triangle with the sum of its angles exceeding 180 degrees is described as “obese.”
I bought a cantaloupe and was very disappointed after tasting it. This made me feel meloncholy.
A group of alligators is called a “congregation.” I guess that’s because they’re Chewish.
Is an actor who auditions for the role of “Courtroom Transcriptionist” hoping to be typecast?
I accidentally fell into a vat of brine and found myself in quite a pickle.
I seem to be interested in lovemaking only when I feel sleep coming on. I guess that makes me a trance-sexual.
Recently I wasn’t feeling well but couldn’t decide whether I should go to my doctor’s office or the emergency room for treatment. So I called 911 and asked them to dispatch an ambivalence.