Have you met my new best friends? Their names are Chuck and Nancy.
I used to call them cryers and liars, but now they’ve caught my fancy.
I find them both simpatico; they’re bright and smart and charming.
Although some in the GOP think our bond is alarming.
I had them stop in at my House — you know, the dump that’s White —
Along with several other folks, all itching for a fight.
We talked about financial stuff: should we raise the debt ceiling?
And if so — how much? For how long? The options weren’t appealing.
I had some guys from my side of the aisle in the room:
Mnuchin, Ryan, Turtle Face, and Pence. They all assumed
That I would go along with what they wanted. But — surprise!
You should have seen the shell-shocked look in everybody’s eyes.
The fellows from the GOP, after their genuflection,
Said, “Let’s extend the ceiling ‘til the next mid-term election.”
But Chuck and Nancy disagreed. They kept on with their “Nyet”s.
(I made a little Russia joke there!) They both hedged their bets.
Mnuchin started jabbering. I told him, “Shut your mouth.
You couldn’t even keep that wife of yours in line when you flew south.”
He quieted down. I took command and finalized the deal.
My effort was bi-partisan (and made McConnell squeal).
I acted very presidential; much to the chagrin
Of those who thought I’d go along with them when they walked in.
But I am not beholden to those in the US Congress.
And spend my time on Twitter pointing out their endless wrongness.
And so I told these two sweet Dems that I accept their terms.
(I always get a kick when I see Mitch McConnell squirm.)
Now I’ve moved on to tax reform. Those folks in North Dakota
All love me! Their support for Trump has not budged one iota.
In three months’ time I’ll bring them back. We’ll renegotiate.
Another temporary fix for me to arbitrate.
You know I love to make the deals. I’m not some clueless hack.
And by then I’ll have stabbed those two Dem suckers in the back.