Things I Am Doing to Maintain the Level of Passion After Thirty-Six Years of Marriage

Using the lint roller to remove cat hair from the couch before we sit down to watch “Jeopardy!”

Remembering to securely snap the lid on the travel mug so she doesn’t spill coffee all over herself on the way to work.

Not farting during foreplay.

Remembering to mute the TV when asking her, “How was your day?”

When it’s my night to make dinner, expanding my repertoire beyond the pizza and chicken taquitos available from the gas station convenience mart.

Avoid trying to win an argument by saying, “You sound just like your mother.”

Stop sneaking twenties out of her wallet and replacing them with singles.

Showering even on the days I don’t think it’s necessary.

Recognizing she fails to see the humor when I slip on one of her bras over my clothes, put a hand on my hip, and say, “Hey, sailor — new in town?”

Realizing that unloading the dishwasher means actually putting everything away in the cabinets.

Folding the sheets the way she likes, even though that way is stupid.

Acknowledging that “date night” may occasionally require leaving the house.

Trimming my ear hair before it gets long enough to be fashioned in a French braid.

Vacuuming under, and not just around, the furniture.

Exploring other pathways to intimacy but not when I am home alone.