Big Game-Face

My two grown boys – they’re manly men. That’s just the way I raised ‘em.
There’s nothing gonna cross their paths that ever seems to faze ‘em.
I said, “If anyone or anything gets in your way – you wreck ‘em!”
I gave them all there was to give, except for my affection.

Little Don and Eric, they both like to shoot off guns.
After days spent cheating condo buyers – that’s their fun.
And just like me: they grab the glory; sidestep all the blame.
Then several times a year they both go hunting for big game.

Just several months ago, I said such hunting was a “horror,”
And was dead-set against it, whether shot nearer or far-er.
But then my boys said, “Daddy – what about our souvenirs?”
So I reversed the ban in hoping that would calm their fears.

You’d think that banning hunting would permit species to thrive;
Preventing folks from shooting them would help keep them alive.
But many hunters disagree: they pay to thin the herd,
Then say those fees save wildlife. The wildlife says, “Absurd!”

Besides my boys, this also pleases Secretary Zinke
(Who got called on the carpet for his door purchase; quite hinky).
Elephants and lions and a kind of antelope
Thought they were all protected – but now have to give up hope.

I wasn’t the best father; I’ve admitted this as much –
Traveling around the world to build my brand and such.
But if I can reclaim their love with tusks of ivory,
Then sacrificing these dumb beasts means all the world to me.