Spy-wary

“A mole inside my campaign!” That’s the claim I’m making now.
An FBI informant, who investigated how,
And why, and when, and where, and who knows what about its workings.
Here once again the Deep State wastes its time with circle jerkings.

Remember Carter Page? He once got tipsy with an Aussie,
And claimed he had some intel on H. Clinton that was saucy.
And then there’s Papadopoulous, and don’t forget Sam Clovis —
All speaking to a snoop who later turned out to be bogus.

Now, Rudy Giuliani must know all about informants.
They helped him gain convictions — but he says this time: abhorrent.
I don’t have any facts at hand, just working from the rumors,
But that’s enough for me to try and sway those Fox News viewers.

The press says one, and maybe two, insiders were embedded.
(Of all the women in my bed, just three I later wedded.)
Who knows what kinds of sources these reports have all relied upon?
But that still doesn’t stop me from decrying I was spied upon.

As always, Robert Mueller is remaining quite tight-lipped.
We don’t know who this person is, or whether he’s been flipped.
Reports say he’s American; retired academic.
Another #FakeNews source for Special Counsel’s draft polemic.

I’ll quote what Jimmy Cagney used to say: “You dirty rat!”
Once I find out just who you are, we’ll sit down for a chat.
You’ll spill your guts to me while I have Kelly tape record you,
Or else it’s Haspel Time! I’ll order her to waterboard you.

Coincidence that, as this breaks, Melania got ill?
You don’t stay in the hospital a week to take a pill.
This so-called “operation” — just a ruse for something shady?
I’d hate to find out I’ve been set up by my own First Lady.