Chump Tower

It’s perfectly legal to do oppo research; it’s something quite common in politics.
Most of the time: innuendo and rumor – but now and again something really sticks.
My wonderful son tried to dig up some dirt on a person (her code name: “opponent”).
At first I denied any knowledge about it, but now come out as a proponent.

I’m worried my dear little boy may have broken the law, but that’s only by accident.
He didn’t know better, when he got an email, to turn a blind eye to the facts it sent.
A Russian attorney claimed she had some info that might help me win the election,
And somehow my son, son-in-law, and Paul Manafort all thought they’d side-step detection.

My first comments were, “I know nothing!” like TV’s beloved Nazi guard, Sergeant Schulz.
Don claimed that the meeting was useless; time spent without turning up any results.
We made up a story concerning adoptions but later confirmed as fallacious.
And every revision we’ve put out since then seems to be less and less efficacious.

Initially, my baby boy claimed the topic discussed was the Act named Magnitsky,
But that story soon fell apart; every day saw the fan hit with more and more shitski.
It later turned out that the statement Don Jr. released — I dictated it personally.
My lawyers kept needing to backtrack their comments; each version was seemingly worse for me.

So now, after months of denying the facts and bombastically shouting “FAKE NEWS!”
It turns out the press had it right all along, despite all my attempts to confuse.
Once more an attorney of mine questions whether or not there’s a law that’s been broken,
But just like each time one shows up on TV, he’ll soon need to retract what was spoken.

It’s true that in politics efforts are made to dig up what some wags would call “dirt,”
But that doesn’t mean any laws have been broken by Donny, my dear little squirt.
To dig up a candidate’s background like he did? Just part of a long-time tradition.
I don’t see why Russian involvement in this should result in a charge of sedition.

And now the Fake News says my tweets have all caught the attention of that rascal Mueller.
He’s sifting through all of the statements I’ve made; seems the b.s. here can’t be much fuller.
I won’t take the blame for this snafu; in fact, I won’t even admit that it’s wrong.
I’ll say anything to keep Donny — and me — from the jail cell where we both belong.