This Year’s Top Christmas Grifts

With Christmas right around the corner, here’s a guide to the hottest (as in “popular,” not “purloined”) gifts for that special someone you’re trying to get out of your life once and for all:

  • Microderm Roller + Garden Weasel  Open those pores while working in the garden next spring. The weasel-y end can also be used for trepanning.

 

  • Echolalia Speaker  Ask any question or bark a command at this wireless speaker and listen to it repeat what you just said, word for word.

 

  • Wine by the Barrel  Deal with the stress of family + holidays by enjoying a relaxing glass of vino. And another. And another. And another…

 

  • Hair Fryer  Imagine making something hot and crispy while using 80% less oil. Now imagine your head on fire — voilà!

 

  • No Place Like Genome  Discover how your lack of interest in communicating with others is something you’re pre-disposed to at the genetic level.

 

  • Drone On-and-On  As you fly this smartphone-controlled quadricopter, you’ll hear the voice of broadcasting legend Larry King pontificating about the benefits of fish oil supplements.

 

  • Robot Pet Sweeper  Get rid of pesky pet hair — and pets — without using a broom.

 

  • Cold Coffee Maker  Pour your leftover morning java into the Kraps® Cold Coffee Maker, and two hours later you’ll have stale, bitter, cold coffee (complete with oily film) ready to go!

 

  • Wireless Ears  Available in White, Black, Asian and Vulcan.

 

  • Pre-stained Workout Clothes  Why work up a sweat working up a sweat? Just slip on one of these cotton/spandex-blend tops and everyone will think you’ve just come from the gym.

 

  • SitBit  On your feet all day? Slap a SitBit on your wrist and be reminded at regular intervals to take a load off.

 

  • Instant Pot  Make a batch of your own weed in minutes. Check local regulations for availability. For personal use only; no resale. Medical pre-approval may be required.

Free shipping available on any of these items; just pay a separate fee.

 

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