A Cure For Wassails You

God rest ye merry gentlemen: where should you put the comma?
You can’t just toss it anywhere, no matter how you wanna.
Its absence makes you want it more – just like Barack Obama.
Di-viding the fourth word from the fifth, or so the myth
I’m not certain since I’m not a wordsmith.

Here we come a-caroling — so quick, turn off your lights!

O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant
O come ye, O come ye to shop at the mall.
Online is surging; death of brick and mortar?
O come to spend your money
The outlook isn’t sunny
Free shipping rule of thumb, see? En-
-ticed… can’t afford.

Silent night, holy night
Something’s wrong; that’s not right.
I expected a Twitter barrage:
More bad news that Trump tries to massage.
Please – just turn off his pho-one.
Leave us – for one day – alone.

Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad
Don’t know more words; first-year of Spanish is all I had.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
Climate change is not delightful
Yet Trump tells us it’s all a hoax:
Holy smokes – not a joke – that’s all, folks.

He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.
A camera in the bathroom? It’s your creepy landlord, Jake.

You really can’t stay
You must go away
This evening has been
Not very nice

You won’t let me get to rest; will
I have to kick your left testicle
Did you try to slip a mickey in my drink?

You heard me say “No” – so you’ve got to go.
Hey, see? A cop’s outside.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Cooked together isn’t right

Hark! the herald angels sing
Donald Trump thinks he’s our king.
He’s on earth, which some revile.
God… his sins don’t seem to rile.
Careful, all ye nations – he’s
Said Iraq’s oil he will seize.
Government shutdown is lame,
Yet he will not take the blame.
Barks: “I want that border wall!”
Mexico pays, as I recall…

I wish you a Merry Christmas,
And bought you whatever this is.
Next year, Sears won’t be in business –
At least, that’s what I hear.

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