A Cure For Wassails You

God rest ye merry gentlemen: where should you put the comma?
You can’t just toss it anywhere, no matter how you wanna.
Its absence makes you want it more – just like Barack Obama.
Di-viding the fourth word from the fifth, or so the myth
I’m not certain since I’m not a wordsmith.

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Here we come a-caroling — so quick, turn off your lights!

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O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant
O come ye, O come ye to shop at the mall.
Online is surging; death of brick and mortar?
O come to spend your money
The outlook isn’t sunny
Free shipping rule of thumb, see? En-
-ticed… can’t afford.

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Silent night, holy night
Something’s wrong; that’s not right.
I expected a Twitter barrage:
More bad news that Trump tries to massage.
Please – just turn off his pho-one.
Leave us – for one day – alone.

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Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad
Don’t know more words; first-year of Spanish is all I had.

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Oh, the weather outside is frightful
Climate change is not delightful
Yet Trump tells us it’s all a hoax:
Holy smokes – not a joke – that’s all, folks.

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He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.
A camera in the bathroom? It’s your creepy landlord, Jake.

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You really can’t stay
You must go away
This evening has been
Not very nice

You won’t let me get to rest; will
I have to kick your left testicle
Did you try to slip a mickey in my drink?

You heard me say “No” – so you’ve got to go.
Hey, see? A cop’s outside.

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Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Cooked together isn’t right

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Hark! the herald angels sing
Donald Trump thinks he’s our king.
He’s on earth, which some revile.
God… his sins don’t seem to rile.
Careful, all ye nations – he’s
Said Iraq’s oil he will seize.
Government shutdown is lame,
Yet he will not take the blame.
Barks: “I want that border wall!”
Mexico pays, as I recall…

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I wish you a Merry Christmas,
And bought you whatever this is.
Next year, Sears won’t be in business –
At least, that’s what I hear.