On A Scale Of One To Contentious

Bill Barr did a fantastic job, he’s quite the legal genius.
So tightly we’re aligned, you can’t slide dental floss between us.
He sat before the Senate; his defense of me audacious –
Even if his grasp of right and wrong appears fallacious.

Investigation thought by me unfair means I can end it;
A position so absurd that even I can’t comprehend it.
If I’m accused of doing something wrong, yet don’t agree,
I get to say the rule of law does not apply to me.

He said to force an underling to lie was nothing criminal,
And actions that I took were not overt; instead, subliminal.
He helped explain that “flipping” means, to me, the same as “lying.”
So “please don’t flip” means “tell the truth” – that’s all I was implying.

Bill Barr said he was grappling with “suggest” – a tricky word.
When offered some alternatives, like “hinted” and “inferred,”
He still chose not to offer any answer found definitive.
Then got right back on track and picked up splitting his infinitives.

The memo he released outlined the principal conclusions,
But don’t call it a “summary” – that led to some confusion.
When Mueller got in contact and expressed dissatisfaction,
Barr told him, “You made work for me by skipping the redactions.”

The tension in the room got turned up several notches higher
When Hirono had her turn; called me a grifter and a liar
And said Barr had sacrificed his once-thought-decent reputation
By abandoning his principles through our association.

Regarding this report, Barr sometimes got a little hyper.
It may have been his baby, but he wouldn’t check the diaper.
The underlying evidence he did not look at – strange. It
Was analogous to smelling poop and saying, “Here – you change it.”

But all in all, I felt the job that Barr did was fantastic,
Since his approach to truth is just like mine – which is “elastic.”
Now Dems want Bill Barr to resign; that argument’s not fecund.
My first word to them starts with “F” – and “y-o-u” comes second.