Drug Through The Mud

I’d like to be a pharmacist and wear that little white coat.
I’d own a chain of drug stores; people walk in with polite notes
From their doctors, all expecting I would give them medication.
I’d review what was requested, and then take a stance most brazen:
I would let them know the drug the doc’s prescribing for ingestion
Is quite useless, and instead they should adhere to my suggestion.

I’m smarter than the doctors, all mere graduates of med school,
Since I went to an academy where I was a cadet: cool,
Calm, and quite collected. Out of all, I was the best one.
Therefore I know what to take to soothe your kidneys or intestine.
Disregard all sage advice and every drug your doc is choosin’
And instead take what I’m giving you, although it is unproven.

I’ll give you pills or syrups or some liquid in a vial;
It will be a medication that’s not undergone a trial.
If it doesn’t work, there’s plenty more that we can take a stab at –
You’re already sick, so what’s the harm if you serve as my lab rat?
If you pass away, well – them’s the breaks; we all will end up dead. It
Is a fact of life. If you survive, then I’ll take all the credit.

But this is just a fantasy – I’m otherwise employed.
But take responsibility? That’s something I avoid.
I sacrificed a fortune to take over as your POTUS
(I profit while in office, but I hope that you won’t notice).
As states ask for my help, I only offer shrugs before
Denying their requests. The pain I’m causing? That’s what drugs are for.