The numbers look bad, folks; there’s no way to hide it.
Fatalities climbing both here and worldwide. It
Will peak in two weeks, therefore this isn’t funny:
I’m canceling Easter. No candy, no bunny.
That Easter deadline? One I merely aspired to.
The guidelines will be kept in place that require you
To practice good hygiene and keep six feet’s distance.
New target: June 1st, back to normal existence.
The impact of COVID-19 is severe – though
Last month I said soon we’d be down close to zero.
So please stay at home, wrap yourself in a sweater and
I’ll stop doing nothing, since something is better than.
If we can keep deaths below two-hundred thousand,
I’ll take all the credit the public allows and
Ignore the fact, based on the current scenario,
That’s 15 times more than from swine flu we’ll bury, though.
Recently, I chose to wonder out loud where
The masks are all going in New York. How dare
All these doctors and nurses and clerks cry and ask for
Protection, which they then let slip out the back door.
The Michigan governor I called a “half-whit”
(A play on her name; just one more Twitter gaffe.) It
Is part of my plan for key resource-directing
To state leaders most skillful at genuflecting.
If faced with the truth, I will repudiate
Questions asked by reporters that I truly hate,
Like that PBS woman I tried to cut off, so
I lambaste – but then brag my ratings are boffo.
Let’s give it another month, then see what shape we’ll
Be in as regards this scourge by end of April.
If businesses can’t start to open by May, then
My next term this world will proceed without. Amen.