Joke On This

Let me make one thing clear: I don’t kid.
Would I tell you a joke? God forbid.
So when I said let’s slow down the testing,
There’s no reason to think I was jesting.

I am not really known for my humor;
I would much rather traffic in rumor.
If you’re betting I’m trying to be funny,
It is elsewhere you’ll find the smart money.

A word I don’t use much: “hilarity.”
Though it’s true: I am easy to parody.
There’s no need to set fire to a turd sack –
If you want a laugh, just read my words back.

While at West Point, some found it quite ribald
When that water I drank wound up dribbled.
And as down that long, slick ramp I tottered,
I wish all of those chuckles I’d not heard.

My stories will go on and on – though
It’s not often I’ll drop in a bon mot.
While my actions by some are found risible,
Any smile on my face is invisible.

Please don’t make fun of me: it’s a little rule.
It is others that I’d rather ridicule.
Only praise all my actions should generate –
It’s anathema to me to self-deprecate.

But here’s what I do find amusing:
All the ways I’ve come up with abusing
The vast powers granted to my position,
Showing not any sign of contrition.

So, please, go ahead; slap your knees, folks…
But I don’t hear you laughing at these jokes:
My rage, self-delusion, and callousness –
Not much fun in the final analysis.