I’m Very Mental

I took a cognitive test and got 11 out of 10.
The doctors said results like mine have not seen since who knows when.
It proves my brain is fully functioning and I’m in top shape mentally
(and all my body’s organs are outstanding, incidentally).

They showed a picture of a cow and asked, “What is it?” I said, “Moo.”
Displayed a cartoon of a camel; I said, “Humps, and I see two.”
They flashed another illustration and said, “Last one – have a look-see.”
‘Twas a picture of a lion. (I won’t try to grab that pussy!)

I had to memorize a list; of five diverse words it consisted.
I said I knew all the best words and that none of them were listed.
Then they had me counting backward, taking sevens from a hundred;
I said we should just add billions, so the border wall is funded.

They used a section of the test to ascertain my language fluency,
and here’s how I responded: “The Supreme Court’s trying to ruin me.”
They asked, “What’s the relationship of kisses to elections?”
I said both could be now be stolen only one without objections.

I took the test at Walter Reed, with many doctors in attendance.
They applauded in amazement when I finished it. And then, since
it’s impossible for me to tout achievements without gloating,
I compared my brain to Biden’s; it’s for mine you should be voting.

If you get a high score on many cognitive inspections
it does not mean you’re a genius, or deserve to win elections.
It’s intended to assess that you just meet a baseline grading,
and won’t help you in the least if in the polls you’re quickly fading.

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