Joe Biden, I appreciate your kind R.S.V.P.
However, on the 20th – I’ve got elsewhere to be.
I promise I’ll clean out my desk and turn those last receipts in.
A shame that I’ve been banned from getting any final tweets in.
You won’t find any letter in that desk, the Resolute one –
a gesture such as that would indicate I knew that you won.
I plan to leave with head held high, and both chins on display,
despite my dreadful reign we always knew would end this way.
However – I will give advice regarding your ascension:
make sure for every second you’re the center of attention.
Don’t ever say you’re wrong, or let the folks think you’re a quitter,
and don’t attempt to stage an insurrection via Twitter.
Those first few days are heady; lots of circumstance and pomp –
you may not even notice I’ve already drained the swamp.
Keep one hand on the nuke codes, since they’re something you should not lose,
and when you turn the TV on – the channel’s set to Fox News.
When you step in the shower, if you find hairs short and curly,
that means I found it prudent to move out a few days early.
Because of no-knock warrants, and which way the wind is blowing,
I may not tell Melania and Barron where I’m going.