It’s time for me to bid adieu.
I’m leaving now; Mike Pence is, too.
I’ll kick back for a little bit,
go golfing some, and shoot the shit.
I spent four years in Washington;
Melania, my youngest son,
Ivanka and my son-in-law
are also planning to withdraw.
I’ll depart from Joint Base Andrews,
still denying that I can lose
when so many voted for me:
“Don’t give up!” they all implore me.
I took office with a hard edge,
said I’d stop American carnage.
But all that I’ve really done
is prove I’m without feeling: none.
What will I be remembered for?
* I almost launched a civil war.
* I said let’s keep the Muslims out.
* Election results: I sowed doubt.
* 400,000 dead from Covid.
* Fraud if Joe’s for whom you voted.
* Undermined long-lived alliances.
* Didn’t show much faith in sciences.
* Shaky on the Constitution.
* Reinstated execution.
* Screwed around with this year’s census.
* Pardons I approved: contentious.
* Families I had separated.
* Climate treaty I negated.
* Took great economic growth
and down the tubes I made it goeth.
* Judges – many ill-equipped.
* Environmental safeguards stripped.
* Gave NATO an ultimatum.
* Taxes: hardly ever paid ‘em.
* Here’s one that’s a real killer:
I relied on Stephen Miller.
* Known as a petty, bitter man.
* Railed against my Twitter ban.
* Loved to stage flag-hugging stunts.
* House impeached me more than once.
To call me “racist” seems quite shoddy;
no such bone found in my body.
Yet I leave a legacy
entwined with white supremacy.
Back when I launched my campaign
some people questioned, “Am I sane?”
And now that my term’s nearly shot,
we know the answer: “Clearly not.”
Way back when, at the beginning,
I said you’d be sick of winning.
My dark valedictory:
Without a doubt – you’re sick of me.
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