Not to Scale

Releasing a common household pet into the wild is wreaking havoc in waterways.

If you take a little goldfish and you flush it down the toilet,
and you have a septic system – there’s a chance that you might spoil it.
But if you have city sewers and they flow to open water,
then that tiny little pet becomes a nightmarish marauder.

Little kids win them at carnivals – a goldfish in a baggie,
and they ask Mom, “Can I keep it?” and she answers them, “Don’t nag me!”
But they wear their mothers down and get to put it in a glass bowl.
Dad says, “No pets in the house!” and Mom says, “Don’t be such an asshole.”

It’s initially exciting to see little goldfish swimming,
but the novelty soon wears off, and the joy starts quickly dimming.
So, the parents tell their children, “Let me offer this proposal…”
and that fish is soon succumbing to a plumbing-based disposal.

While confined within that glass bowl, chances are their days are numbered,
but once they reach lakes or rivers, goldfish growth is unencumbered.
You have heard about revenge; that it is best served as a cold dish…
Careful, swimmers: you risk ambush now by schools of giant goldfish.