I published my first anthology of humor columns as an ebook in 2015. SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION: Selfie-Facing — Analog Musings in a Digital World is available for a modest sum from the usual online sources – or, if you prefer, I’ll leave you a series of voicemails, reading one entry at a time, for free. I was not sufficiently scarred by the process of assembling Book Number One to dissuade me from now delivering Book Number Two. How’s this for an opening sentence?:

  • “Thank you for your interest in my second book.”

Very Hemingway-esque, n’est ce-pas? Simple, direct, unadorned, sleep-inducing.

The book part is easy — the only place where I’m stuck is the title. I’m considering the following and would love to get your opinion:

  • Premature Articulation— Speaking Before Thinking: The Donald J. Trump Story
  • A Love for the Ages— Taylor Swift and Her Beaus
  • Rumpus Room— The Kardashian Saga
  • If The Facts Don’t Fit The Theory, Change The Facts— Einstein’s Prescient Insights into Kellyanne Conway’s Thought Process
  • Opie-oidAddiction — What I Learned From Binge-Watching ‘The Andy Griffith Show’
  • Kraut Control— Leadership Lessons from Angela Merkel
  • Maple StirrupThe Life of a Canadian Cowboy
  • Iceberg Lettuce Alone— Climate Change Deniers Find Themselves Adrift
  • I’ll Have a Dark & Stormy— Edward Bulwer-Lytton Bellies Up to the Bar

Actually, now that I reflect on the above I guess this second attempt may present more challenges than first anticipated. If you’ve read Selfie-Facing (see SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION above), you may have at least noticed, if not been offended by, the casual and frequent use of profanity in it. However, in my attempts to reach a wider audience (i.e., in the double-digits) with this next screed, I’ve attempted to dial it back to a PG-13 from the first book’s hard R. In order to make that clear to the masses, let’s instead consider one of the following titles:

  • F-Balm
  • Swear Are You?
  • Live and Let Expletive
  • Curses! Roiled Again
  • Just Between Cuss
  • I Had A Blasphemy Last Night
  • How I Spent My Summer Imprecation
  • Now I’ve Obscene Everything

Hmm… on third thought (and quickly approaching my limit), I think I’ll stick with the title that appears on the cover of what you’re reading right now (which, I hope, is not “REMAINDERED”). As my inspiration Hemingway once said, “You shouldn’t write if you can’t write.” I’m trying to make sense of that, but I swear this is one instance where Ernest may be full of shiitake.

Anyway — this copy of [INSERT FINAL TITLE HERE] you’re holding in your hands/reading on your tablet/squinting at on your phone collects a sample of my posts from November 2015 until about ten minutes before this all went to the printer’s. You can read everything I wrote before, during and after that time frame (but for God’s sake, why would you want to? Even my wife and son can’t be bothered.) on my blog, Facts Optional, which can be found at http://www.JohnBranning.com.

If you’re a fan of puns, non-sequiturs, and self-deprecating humor — you may find this book amusing. If you’re not, then every day must be a real drag for you.