Pardon Me?

I once made a statement of some notoriety, telling the world I could shoot
Some schmuck in the middle of Fifth Avenue; voters still wouldn’t give me the boot.
Now, thanks to my lawyer, I know who to aim for – I wouldn’t just pick off some homie:
According to R. Giuliani, it seems I could legally murder James Comey.

I cannot be charged, irregardless of crimes I commit while I serve as the POTUS.
The cops could show up and run all through Miranda, but I wouldn’t pay any notice.
They’d try to arrest me and take fingerprints while insisting, “We’re here to accost – you must
Come with in the squad car.” But they couldn’t touch me or claim I turned Comey to posthumous.

I see lots of chances to get away clean as the rule of law quickly relaxes:
Collusion, obstruction, (this murder of course) and the best of all: “Hands off my taxes!”
I’m already handing out pardons like lollipops; stacked twenty-deep on my shelf.
But the one I’m most anxious to put into play is the one I will sign for myself.

All kinds of past geniuses – mostly the evil ones – scheme to pull off perfect crimes,
And thanks to the brilliance of all my attorneys, they’ve worked out a method where I’m
Safe from being subpoenaed for anything I might have done (or will do) that is criminal.
Including if I am caught lying without meaning to, due to factors subliminal.

But really – I’d rather just feel free to roam ‘round the city and bust up big fights
Like Batman. I’d do it – except I’m not sure I’ll be able to squeeze into tights.
One day I’d retire; pack up my belongings and spend all my days on the beach,
Since Congress can’t take steps to lock me up, even if all of them vote to impeach.

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