I Love You Justice The Way You Are

It was very exciting to find I’d been chosen to serve as a judge on the SCOTUS.
On TV I gushed as I read from remarks overflowing with praise for the POTUS:
“No Prez ever talked with more people, consulted more widely…” My words: sycophantic.
I could have used language more unostentatious, but I fed Trump’s ego: gigantic.

I was all for impeachment but then was against it, as long as the action’s not dastardly.
So you can’t boot the POTUS from office for sexual stuff or for being a bastard, see?
To hassle a Prez with a criminal case would distract him while in the arena.
(It’s just a coincidence Mueller’s deciding on whether to serve a subpoena.)

I’m right of the right-wing; I make no apologies. That is my view of legality.
The left claims I’d let the Prez walk in return for this gig – I reject that venality.
Let’s face it: the issue on everyone’s mind is what happens to Roe versus Wade?
Mike Pence overjoyed that I’ll be on the bench, but Chuck Schumer – well, he seems dismayed.

McConnell was pushing for two other candidates, neither of which had my name.
He wanted the easiest path to the bench. Things go south – he’s got someone to blame.
I’m confident I’ll be confirmed, irregardless of how much the Dems try to sway,
Since Senator Collins and Lisa Murkowski have all but said they’ll vote my way.

Already the knives have come out, with the media looking into my finances,
Obsessed as I am with the Washington Nats. World Series: how good are their chances?
I bought season passes and went into debt. My defense: ticket prices are high.
Despite my elite education, I’m just a blue-collar, Bud Light kind of guy.

I feel I’m a man of integrity, even though I am a Beltway insider.
They say once I join the team, Roberts becomes the swing vote. Guess he’ll be the decider.
There’s talk of reviewing my paper trail closely to see what falls under my rubric.
One difference between Clarence Thomas and me: hairs on my Coke can will not be pubic.

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