Drivel War

When it comes down to some knowledge as regards the Civil War,
While professors think they know a lot – I know a good bit more.
So there really isn’t anyone you’ll find better, you see,
Than myself regarding history of the Confederacy.

Those who would deny their history are doomed – DOOMED! – to repeat it.
That’s why some folks in the South, right to this day, have not conceded
That they lost a war where several states had opted for secession;
Won’t refer to it as “Civil” but, instead, “Northern Aggression.”

I know all about aggression, it’s a big part of my brand:
It’s the way I bark out orders to those under my command.
So don’t tell me that it’s racist to keep honoring some statues.
If you try to change our history, I’m prepared to come right at you.

People know the Civil War was over states’ rights, and not race.
And the South had its own heroes, who deserve a warm embrace.
So we’ve got some installations named for Bragg, and Hood, and Pickett,
And if you think I will change those names, well… you know where to stick it.

I agree with those who hold beliefs of – not hate, but of heritage –
Since they’re just recollecting their own background of white parentage.
I won’t rewrite our history of Winning, Victory, Freedom,
Since the South may rise again, and if it does – those votes? I need ‘em.

I can’t possibly conceive the thought that racism’s systemic.
You can’t get me to admit that we are still in a pandemic.
I’ll quote fake employment numbers ‘til someone finds where the error is.
But here’s what I believe: that senior citizens are terrorists.