Would you lay out some cash for a Trump Trading Card?
They’re in digital format, therefore – indestructible.
Since now my net worth seems to be fading hard,
my bookkeepers claim this setup’s tax-deductible.
Purchase your Trump Cards with credit or crypto;
they’re NFTs, which I hear are quite trendy.
No money back if you feel you’ve been gypped, tho’.
Are you on Truth Social? If so, please friend me.
Each card’s been given a pre-assigned rarity!
Choose among several divine action poses!
Portions of proceeds may (not) go to charity
(read the fine print to learn what it discloses).
In one card I stand with my eyes shooting lasers;
in all of the guises I look hale and lissome.
This latest of my many dodgy fundraisers –
all targeting numskulls who cry, “Man, we miss him!”
For ninety-nine dollars, you’ll be a collector.
Though not an investment, they’ll last for posterity.
For less than a C-note, you’ll witness the specter
of I, Donald Trump, sinking into self-parody.
After one day, here’s an update: we’ve SOLD OUT!
Just one more scheme that I’ve hatched which is troublesome.
They’ll hold their worth when in Hell it is cold out.
Sadly, they don’t come with stale sticks of bubblegum.