The annual meeting of the Poughkeepsie Film Critics Circle (PFCC) took place last week, at Henrietta LeTourneau’s house. In attendance were:
- Henrietta LeTourneau (President and Treasurer)
- I, Angela Kitswillow, your Acting Secretary (while Susie Bingsworthy recovers from carpal tunnel surgery)
- Edna Respirito (Cinéaste-At-Large)
- Caroline DiMartini (Edna’s former daughter-in-law, who thought she was driving Edna to a urologist’s appointment)
Meeting called to order at 10:00 A.M. and then again at 10:04 A.M. after Edna said she had to use the bathroom.
- Presented by Henrietta LeTourneau in her role as PFCC Treasurer.
- The PFCC began the year with a cash balance of $42.68.
- The balance dropped to $0.00 some time in March when Henrietta’s nephew Cletus may have stolen the money after offering to help bring in her groceries. Henrietta was reluctant to contact the authorities because she did not want to upset her sister, Priscilla, by jeopardizing Cletus’s work-release program.
- Motion to accept the Treasurer’s Report made by Henrietta LeTourneau (in her role as President), seconded by I, Angela Kitswillow, your Acting Secretary. However, there was no vote to approve since Edna was again in the bathroom.
2018 NEW BUSINESS:
The PFCC holds its annual meeting to discuss films the membership has seen during the course of the current calendar year, and then vote on the “Best” in a variety of categories.
Henrietta suggested we go around the room and discuss our nominations, with Henrietta going first:
- Henrietta said she had seen three movies in 2018: Deadpool 2 and Avengers: Infinity War (which she sat through twice). She did not care for either of these films but saw them because her nephew Cletus offered to drive her to the movie theater and that’s what he wanted to see if she expected him to give her a ride home. She did not have any nominations to offer since she kept her fingers in her ears during both movies.
- Next was I, Angela Kitswillow, your Acting Secretary. I know I saw something with Meryl Street in it, and something else with Cher (or that may have been the same movie). I would nominate either Meryl Street or Cher for Best Actress.
- Then it was Edna’s turn. Edna reported she had not seen any movies in 2018 because the walk from the seats to the nearest bathroom is now too far for her. She then turned to her former daughter-in-law Caroline to ask if she had seen any good movies this year, who ignored the question and continued to scroll through Facebook on her phone.
We then voted on this year’s slate of nominees, with the final results below:
- BEST ACTRESS: Meryl Street (3 votes), Cher (2 votes). Henrietta, as President, announced that Meryl Street was the winner.
- We repeated the outcome after Edna returned from the bathroom. Edna asked how there had been 5 votes when there were only 3 members of the PFCC in attendance, plus she had been in the bathroom when the vote was taken. Henrietta referred back to the 2017 PFCC annual meeting minutes, where former member Alton Dunstable (now deceased) had used some sort of parliamentary maneuver to change our award process from a plebiscite system to ranked-choice voting.
- Edna said that was all well and good, but she still didn’t understand how we had come up with a total of 5 ballots cast.
After some heated discussion and a short break while waiting for Edna to return from the bathroom, we agreed to revote on the Best Actress nomination. Those results:
- Meryl Street (4 votes)
- Cher (4 votes)
- Mariska Hargitay (1 vote)
Edna asked how we had gone from 5 to 9 votes cast, and why was Mariska Hargitay now included in the tally. Edna’s former daughter-in-law Caroline said she had nominated Mariska Hargitay. Henrietta said she didn’t believe Mariska Hargitay had made a movie in 2018, to which Caroline responded she didn’t think so either, but put forth Hargitay for consideration because “she’s such a bad-ass on TV.” Henrietta curtly dismissed Caroline’s vote since she was not a member of the PFCC. Caroline said, “Whatever,” and left the room. Henrietta then stated, since she is both President and Treasurer, she was permitted to vote twice and cast all of her votes for Meryl Street. Edna said that’s not how ranked-choice voting was supposed to work. Henrietta said what do you know, you’re probably not in your right mind from dehydration after all those trips to the bathroom. Edna accused Henrietta of voter fraud, being rude to her former daughter-in-law Caroline, and stocking her bathroom with a cheap brand of toilet paper. Henrietta said if you don’t like it, you’re welcome to leave. Edna agreed but now could not find her former daughter-in-law Caroline to drive her home.
While we searched the house for Caroline, Susie Bingsworthy walked in, saying she thought the meeting was supposed to start at 11:00 A.M.
Susie asked what we were all doing, and when Edna explained we were looking for Caroline, Susie said she’d seen her sitting outside in her car, sharing a marijuana cigarette with Henrietta’s nephew Cletus.
Edna started to storm out of the house, but Henrietta reminded her we needed a motion to adjourn the meeting before she could go. Edna so moved; I, Angela Kitswillow, your Acting Secretary, seconded the motion; Officer Scott VanDerShtook, who had arrived in response to an anonymous tip regarding a possible DUI, said whatever we were doing was henceforth shut down.
Susie Bingsworthy said we could meet at her place next year, unless she was still recovering from a previously-scheduled bunionectomy.
SUBMITTED: December 18. 2018 by I, Angela Kitswillow, your Acting Secretary. I will await further instruction regarding how we are supposed to communicate this year’s honor to Meryl Street and/or Cher. Better luck next year, Mariska Hargitay.