Not If I CPU First

We disabled cookies on our home computer since we’re trying to lose weight.

Security experts recommend using only secure WiFi networks so I glued our router to the countertop.

I bought an external hard drive but can’t find a cord long enough to reach the computer from outside.

I don’t find it necessary to clear the cache since my wife routinely empties my wallet.

Do I need to install anti-virus software if I already got a flu shot?

I’d be happy to back up my data but so far it hasn’t asked for my support.

I wanted to use a thumb drive but my wife insisted I keep both hands on the steering wheel at all times.

Another recommendation is to scan for spyware so I checked: I own neither a fedora nor a trench coat.

I bought a surge protector yet was still charged three times the normal fare last time I used an Uber.

I wasn’t sure how to activate the firewall so instead stuck a smoke detector on the back of the monitor.

I’d love to upgrade my operating system but suppose I should finish medical school first.

It took some effort to convince my wife that “removing malware” did not mean she could get rid of all those Tommy Bahama shirts in the back of my closet.

Pro tip: don’t attempt to clean your keyboard by running it through the wash. Even if there’s a “Delicates” setting.

My son asked if he could get a wireless mouse; I replied not until you prove you can take care of it responsibly.

I’ve never understood the purpose of re-booting your computer since it seems like it would be pretty much useless after you kicked it the first time.

I decided against purchasing a touchscreen monitor because I wasn’t comfortable signing the consent form that came with it.

How do you know if your credit card information is secure when making an online purchase? Oh, you’ll find out in about 10 minutes.

I heard a very funny joke about the Apple MacBook but won’t repeat it here – it’s not PC.

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