A Reptile Dysfunction

Someone held his plan a little too close to the vest — along with other parts of his outfit.

“A Reptile Dysfunction” — read by the author.

If lizards and snakes you were trying to smuggle
while crossing the border, it seems you would struggle
to carry those reptiles all stashed in your wardrobe
and might be pulled over by Customs, who’d then your probe
your duffle coat’s lining, and all of your pockets,
and might even make you remove shoes and socks. It’s
a foolish scenario: trying to purloin
those creepy live specimens, stuffed into your groin.
Several dozen horned lizards in bags (also snakes);
an attempt at this stunt means you’re nuts, fer crissake.
There’s a fellow who tried this – he thought they’d ignore
he’d been charged with the same crime just one day before.
As smuggling attempts go, this seems like a silly one –
and yet, there’s a market for banned pets reptilian.
This clandestine effort turned out to be dopey, but
may have been done under sway of an opiate…
Why take the risk trying to tote surreptitiously
slithering stockpiles that might bite you – viciously?

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