Someone’s Made a Terrible Moustache

Once Trump said that he wanted me, the drumbeat started pounding:
My critics said I’ll push us into war.
I gave him my assurances, in language quite resounding,
My stature as a madman is folklore.
Trump made a point of emphasizing on the campaign trail
He thought the Iraq war a big disruption.
I handed him my résumé, but left out one detail:
I claimed there were mass weapons of destruction.

I’d given up on politics, at least as a career.
I had a fellowship; was on Fox News.
But then a rift between Trump and McMaster did appear;
Increasingly they held to different views.
McMaster, it’s alleged, thought Donald Trump was not too bright.
And Trump, they say, thought H.R. was abrasive.
But once I come on board, I’ll move The Donald further right,
And push my worldview that’s quite invasive.

You may recall, for several months, I served at the U.N.
But couldn’t get the Senate to approve me.
I fought with Kofi Annan right until the bitter end;
Eventually George Bush had to remove me.
I spent some time in Romney’s camp, way back in 2012,
And served him as a policy advisor.
But then he lost – a role within his Cabinet was shelved.
Fast forward: now I’m older, but not wiser.

I said you can’t put lipstick on a caterpillar, then
Decide you’ve really got a butterfly.
This came as I continued to oppose, time and again,
Support for human rights; made liberals cry.
I wrote a book a few years back (it sold in spurts and binges),
In which I said surrender’s not an option.
So I did not give up – I hung on, dancing ’round the fringes.
Now my views will again secure adoption.

With all this history, seems I’d be subject to removal;
The Congress still considers me divisive.
But joke’s on them – this role does not require their approval;
I’m free to drag the nation into crisis.
The press is saying I made Donald Trump a solemn promise:
If chosen, I would not start any wars.
I know what you are thinking, just like every doubting Thomas.
You’ll have to wait and see; for now – up yours.

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