Cold and Floozy, Son

I got a flu shot but I don’t think it’s been effective – I still can’t fly.

Did you see there’s now a cold medicine for cats? It’s called Mew-cinex®.

Don’t buy the cheap brand of single-ply facial tissues; they’re nothing to sneeze at.

Did you know the common cold is caused by a virus? I think I caught mine from my computer.

They say if you sneeze, cough, burp and fart at the same time – you’ll die. Which is true, depending on how much offense the person sitting next to you on the bus takes.

You can help reduce your risk of catching cold or flu by washing your hands often, avoiding contact with sick people, and not breathing.

The CDC says you can get infected through contact with stools, so ask to be seated in the dining room rather than at the bar.

Instead of sneezing into the hand, you should use the elbow. Preferably your own.

“Coughs and sneezes spread diseases.” My sister-in-law spreads rumors.

It’s really going around this season – even my chimney has the flue.

They say we are within ten years of finding a cure for the common cold. Good thing my employer has an unlimited sick time policy, since it looks like I won’t be returning to work until the next decade.

Those people who get grossed out when you sneeze? I don’t know what’s wrong with phlegm.

They say you should try to sweat out a cold, but I’m still trying to sweat out an audit of last year’s tax return.

I’ve been sipping brandy, and it’s really helped to relieve my symptoms. From alcohol withdrawal.

Here’s an easy way to tell the difference between cold and flu: when you’re at your most miserable and rasp mournfully to your wife, “I think I’m dying…” – does she drive you to the emergency room, or just laugh in your face?